


Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it

by fawsley



Category: Black Books, Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-26
Updated: 2011-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-21 18:32:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fawsley/pseuds/fawsley
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Crossover with <em>Black Books</em> where things get seriously weird for Doctor Watson...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it

**Author's Note:**

> You do really need to be familiar with the first ever episode of _Black Books_ for this to make any sense whatsoever! [Tis here.](http://youtu.be/_VAnIepBxDQ)

John slung his bag onto the floor and slumped into his favourite chair.

‘That has to be the weirdest of all the weird cases I’ve ever encountered in my entire career!’

Sherlock didn’t look up from whatever it was he was carefully dissecting upon the dining table.

‘Bad day, I am to understand?’

‘No… Not bad exactly… Just, well as I said, _weird_ …’

‘I take it there’s no possibility of your not telling me all about it?’

That went straight over John’s head, probably due to the confused shaking he was still giving it.

‘A&E case, came in yesterday. Said he’d swallowed a book! An entire book, for goodness sake! It was a very small book, but even so, who on earth in their right mind swallows a book? In soup, too! What the hell was he doing making soup out of books?

‘Anyway, we x-rayed him and there it was, lodged right where it shouldn’t be. _The Little Book of Calm_ of all things. And today we were going to operate. Simple enough procedure, if somewhat…

‘Weird. Yes. You’ve already told me that several times. Please continue and put me out of my misery as quickly as possible.’

Sherlock still remained focussed upon his scalpel’s steady progress,

‘Well, and this is where it gets seriously…

‘John, for the sake of my sanity and your own safety, please refrain from…

‘Where it gets seriously _interesting_ , if you’d kindly let me finish.’

‘I only wish you would!’

John scratched his head and shook it again as if to get the facts as he knew them into a different order that just might make some sort of sense.

‘Well today it had gone.’

‘Gone? What do you mean, gone?’

Just gone.’

‘Gone?’

‘And you tell me off for repeating myself! Gone. X-rayed chappy again and _The Little Book of Calm_ had totally disappeared. Been assimilated into his system. Strangest thing I’ve ever seen.’

‘So what did you do?’

‘Nothing. There wasn’t anything I could do. And anyway, chappy managed to walk out of the hospital in nothing but his gown and slippers and disappeared too. Last thing anyone saw of him he was wandering down the street, looking for all the world like Jesus and spouting New Age bollocks!’

‘I take it this tale of NHS nonsense is now at an end. If so, I would be most grateful if you could make some tea. I’m sure you need it after such a traumatic day.’

John glared at his flatmate, shook his head one last time, then heaved himself out of his comfy chair and stomped off to the kitchen to do as he was asked. He did, after all, seriously need a cuppa.

Sherlock waited until John was totally preoccupied with kettle, tea pot and tea bags before he neatly folded the excised sheet before him as tightly as he could, dunked it briefly into a beaker of something that fizzed fiercely, then swallowed down yet another page from the _Encyclopaedia Britannica_ …


End file.
